In a recent post I ranted a bit about the black-and-white thinking I was hearing about the practicalities of working at home with a new baby. I wanted to go back to that to talk a little bit about my own view of how it should be done.
Ok, maybe you know me better than that: I don't think it should be done any given way.
I recently read a lovely book called Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent by Meredith Small, and I do highly recommend it. This book describes itself as being about "ethnopediatrics;" I tend to think about it as a sort of anthropology of infant care. While this book seems to conclude a few things about how we were built, it does reinforce a central tenet: there is no right way of caring for an infant. There are many culturally-based and biologically-based aspects to how we parent.
Here are some things that the book seems to conclude:
- We evolved to be carried around. All those millennia of having neither strollers nor the safety of modern buildings meant we carried our infants while hunting, gathering, farming, etc. Babies tend towards wanting contact and movement.
- We evolved without infant "scheduling." Different cultures deal differently with nursing and infant feeding; depending on the necessities and customs of a given culture. Infants may either feed at will, or may have to wait a while for mama/caregiver to be able to get around to it. In more contemporary societies, we may think it's more healthful to only feed baby on a set schedule, but this is culturally-based.
Where does that leave me, as a mother-to-be? It leaves me knowing that there are options, and that baby will do fine however I feed him or otherwise care for him. There is no need to decide on principle that there is a "best" way. Taking care of myself and my business (which means taking care of my clients) can form a structure to build around. At the same time, as a coach, I can model choices that suit me and my child and family, carving out the right path for me and for us, rather than taking on the assumptions of our society of how things should be done best.
Some coaches have told me about their different ways of combining coaching with infant care; in other words, the divergent strategies that worked for them. Here are a few examples:
- Hiring a babysitter to be at the house for a block of time during which to schedule coaching calls.
- Occasionally nursing while coaching, with the knowledge and agreement of the client.
- Bringing baby to daycare.
- Scheduling a longer block with a client, with the agreement that coach will call client after she's done nursing.
- In general, being aware that baby's rhythms will change every couple of months.
It seems to me that it's going to be a fascinating and compelling exercise in flexibility and ingenuity. It also seems like there are so many people telling each other which way of operating and parenting is correct, and so much bias against e.g. nursing in public, that it becomes very important and impactful to make personal choices and to demonstrate them!
Happy Friday to you all,
Becca
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